We made it.
I realize that I’m clearly stating the obvious here but there were days, too many, that I really wasn’t sure we would. It’s safe to say that pretty much nothing went the way I was expecting it to over the past year. Some of which I have found explanations for and some of which I may never understand this side of Heaven. Sure, it took more patience, strength, prayers and tears than I thought I had in me. But we made it.
So this isn’t going to be the sappy “my-how-time-flies” one-year blog post that you’ll see circulating facebook. I wish it was. But my desire is to give a little hope to the new moms in the thick of it, feeling like they’re drowning and wondering why they aren’t experiencing the warm fuzzies like everyone else.
So to that mom:
You can do this. You are doing this. You are doing an incredible job. I know it feels thankless and that all of your endless sacrificing is accomplishing absolutely nothing. I know that you think your prayers are hitting the ceiling. I know you feel like you will never be you again. You are empty, tired, hungry, and maybe (probably) even smelly. I know it’s not fair. I know you did everything right. I know you’d give everything to fix the problem, or even just identify it. I know you’d do anything for them. I know you have held nothing back. God knows it too. He planned this. I don’t know why. You don’t either. I know you wonder how “she” does it while knowing exactly how. God planned that for her too. He hasn’t left you, ever.
When they smile with no teeth, or two teeth. When they giggle. When they run away from you wobbling side to side. On the rare night they fall asleep in your arms (or maybe just in their crib without crying). When they reach for you. When they say “mama”, when they dance, when they splash, and when they are sitting in their high chair surrounded by loved ones singing “Happy Birthday”, You’ll see.
You’ll see then how the depth of your love for them is just a tiny glimpse of God’s love for us. And if we would give all of ourselves for them, how much more so would He for us.
This stuff is hard, but you aren’t alone. He is here and so am I. Because we made it. And so will you.
So here’s to year one. The year that challenged and strengthened me more than any other and to the beautiful little girl who opened my heart to depths I never would’ve known otherwise. My Mae.